Why Doesn’t my Ex-Partner Feel the Same Way as Me?

Commonly, when a relationship breaks down, the two parties to the relationship will have a different reactions depending upon which stage they are at. For example, one party may be angry and sad about the break up and unable to discuss how to move forward, while the other may appear relieved and eager to move forward. This may cause the parties confusion and further conflict, as one party does not understand why the other is not feeling the same way as them.

Sometimes, parties will ask: “Why are they acting that way?”  Or they will ask: “Why can’t they just get this over with?” It is important to remember that this is normal and many couples experience this.

The end of a relationship can be understood as a cycle of ups and downs, like a wavy line, with different emotions experienced at different times. Some relationship breakdowns will see the two parties to the relationship begin this cycle at the same time, the parties may feel sad at the relationship ending, they may feel shocked, they may then feel angry at each other and then feel relieved that the relationship has ended. In other cases, parties will not progress through these cycles at the same time, and it is when this occurs that parties may feel confused and angry with each other.

Parties may come to be at different stages of the relationship breakdown cycle for a number of reasons. It may be that one party is simply emotionally able to move through these cycles more quickly or it may be that one party began the relationship breakdown cycle before the other party. This includes when one party emotionally leaves the relationship prior to the actual relationship breakdown occurring. That party may have experienced anger and sadness during the actual relationship and by the time the relationship ends may be relieved and eager to move on, while the other party only begins the cycle after the relationship break down occurs.

When trying to discuss issues such as spending time with children or how to distribute property, it is important to remember this relationship breakdown cycle.  Experiencing different emotions at different times may make having such discussions difficult. If this occurs it may be best it may be best to recognise where the person is at and if required, allow some time, until both parties are ready and able to talk or engage a third party such as a lawyer or mediator to assist you through this difficult time.

If you want to discuss options for your mediation or legal matter, contact Claire Naidu & Co, Lawyers and Mediators.  Click here for our contact details.

Note: This blog does not constitute legal advice and Claire Naidu & Co is not responsible for any reliance upon its contents in the absence of legal advice being provided to you in conference or in writing concerning your specific circumstances.